You've probably had the thought before, maybe during a holiday or a quiet moment: "I should really ask Mom and Dad about their life." It's a powerful impulse, driven by the desire to understand where you come from and to preserve stories that only they can tell. But the idea can also feel daunting. How do you start? What do you ask? This guide provides a simple, gentle plan for how to interview your parents, turning a daunting idea into a warm, rewarding experience.
What you'll learn:
- How to propose the idea without any awkwardness
- A simple 3-session plan to cover their entire life story
- Gentle, respectful questions to start your first conversation
- Tips to keep the momentum going after your first chat
Why These Conversations Matter Now
The stories our parents carry aren't just a collection of dates and facts; they are the foundation of our family's identity. A family history interview with your parents captures the triumphs, the heartbreaks, the funny mishaps, and the quiet moments of courage that shaped them and, in turn, shaped us.
When you take the time to have these conversations, you're doing more than just gathering information for a family tree. You're giving them the gift of being truly heard and showing them that their life and what they want to pass on matter. It's a chance to connect on a deeper level, understand them as people beyond their role as parents, and create a lasting record for generations you may never even meet.
How to Propose the Idea (Without Making It Awkward)
One of the biggest hurdles is simply starting. You might worry they'll find it strange or feel put on the spot. The key is to keep it low-pressure and frame it with love.
Find a reason that feels natural
Instead of saying "I want to formally interview you," tie it to a purpose that feels warm and collaborative.
Make it feel easy (not formal)
Use a reason that feels true to you. You could say you're doing it "so the grandkids can know your story," as part of a family history project, or to create a special gift for their anniversary or a big birthday.
Send a low-pressure text or email
A casual message gives them time to think about it without the pressure of an immediate answer. It makes the whole thing feel more approachable.
Start in 5 minutes
- Choose a simple, honest reason (e.g., "I want the kids to really know your story.").
- Send a low-pressure text: "Hey Mom/Dad, I'd love to set aside some time just to hear more about your life. Would you be open to chatting for an hour sometime next week?"
Address their potential hesitations upfront
When you do talk, you can gently reassure them. Let them know it's just a conversation, not a test. Say things like, "There are no right or wrong answers," and "If there's anything you don't want to talk about, we can just skip it, no problem." This simple step can ease any anxiety they might feel.
A Simple 3-Session Plan to Record Their Life Story
Trying to cover a whole life in one sitting is exhausting for everyone. It rushes the process and can feel overwhelming. By breaking it down into three focused sessions, you create space for deeper stories to emerge naturally.
Session 1: Childhood and Family Roots
This is often the easiest and most enjoyable place to start. Memories from early life are usually well-worn and full of charming details. Focus this conversation on their beginnings.
- Topics: Where they were born, their parents and grandparents, childhood homes, school days, family traditions, and what life was like when they were young.
- Goal: To understand the world they grew up in and the family that shaped them.
Session 2: Adulthood, Love, and Turning Points
This session moves into the major years of early adulthood. It covers the major decisions and relationships that defined their path.
- Topics: Leaving home, their career journey, how they met their spouse, getting married, becoming a parent, significant challenges, and proudest achievements.
- Goal: To capture the major milestones and turning points of their adult life.
Session 3: Life Lessons and What They Want to Pass On
The final session is more reflective. It's a chance to zoom out and ask about the wisdom they've gained and what they want to pass on.
- Topics: Their core values, the most important lessons they've learned, their hopes for the future, and how they want to be remembered.
- Goal: To preserve their wisdom, perspective, and what they want to pass on to future generations.
What You Need for a Good Conversation
You don't need professional equipment to save these stories. The goal is to make the technology disappear so you can focus on the conversation.
- Your smartphone: The Voice Memos app (on iPhone) or a similar recording app is perfect. Do a quick test to make sure it works well.
- A list of questions: Have 5-7 starter questions ready to guide you, but be prepared to follow the conversation where it leads.
- A quiet, comfortable place: Choose a spot with minimal background noise, like a living room or a quiet corner of the kitchen.
- A glass of water: For you and for them. Talking for an hour can be thirsty work!
Questions to Ask Your Parents (For Every Stage)
Having a few thoughtful questions prepared can turn a simple chat into a good storytelling session. Good questions are open-ended; they invite stories, not just "yes" or "no" answers. Our question lists are a great place to start, whether you're easing into your first conversation or ready to go deeper.
- Looking for a gentle starting point? Begin with these questions for your first conversation.
- Ready for a comprehensive list? Explore these 100 questions to ask your parents, organized by life stage.
How to Keep the Momentum Going After Your First Talk
That first conversation is a huge step! The key now is to build on that positive experience. A little follow-up goes a long way in making your parents feel appreciated and keeping the project moving forward.
Checklist: After Your First Conversation
- Send a thank-you message: A simple text saying, "Thanks so much for sharing your stories with me today. I loved hearing about..." means the world.
- Share one highlight you learned: Mentioning a specific story that stuck with you reinforces how much you value the conversation.
- Schedule the next session while it's fresh: Suggest a time for your next chat within a day or two. "That was so great. Would you be up for doing it again next week?"
- Capture photos and names mentioned: While the memories are fresh, jot down any names, places, or events mentioned. Ask if they have photos from that time; it adds wonderful visual context.
What to Do With Your Parents' Stories
Once you've recorded these conversations, you have a collection of family history. The final step is figuring out how to preserve parents stories by turning those audio files into something that can be shared and kept for years to come.
Transcribe the audio
Typing out the conversations creates a written record. You can do this yourself, or use an automated transcription service to save time. Having the text makes it easier to find specific stories and quotes.
Organize stories by theme or timeline
Once transcribed, you can start arranging the stories. You might follow the timeline of their life, or you could group stories by themes like "Lessons on Love," "Career Adventures," or "Becoming a Parent."
Create a family biography book
The ultimate way to honor these stories is to compile them into a beautiful, professionally printed book. This turns your interviews into a family keepsake. If you're interested in how to do this, we have more resources in our library of guides, including a detailed walkthrough on how to how to create a family biography.